Heavy

This will be a hard conversation to have.
But I have to have it.
And I want you, my lovely readers, to know, I love you.

Your openness, your honesty, your courage, your humor, and everything else you bring to We Matter.


But.

As I am a work in progress, and therapy is my every other Thursday, I have to write this.
For my inner light to shine.
I have to write this.

I love sharing pieces of my journey with you.
Lurrve it.

I like trying to be as open and transparent as I can be.

But - I find - I need to create some clear - light preserving boundaries with you.
For me.
Because as I'm learning to let my light shine, there are those who find it easier to try and snuff light, or steal it (which they can't), rather than figuring out how to make their own lights shine.

And so, away we go with the boundaries.
And it's not that I won't change them over time.
Or that I won't need to tweak them as we go.
Or that you won't ever step over the lines.

And we'll work it out together.
So I can be open and real.
And you feel open and real and safe to ask and share whatever you need to ask and share.

Number One:
Numbers don't matter to me.  So we won't be sharing them here.
How much did you lose?
How much did you weigh?
How much do you weigh now?
How much do you fluctuate?

If knowing my numbers was a tool I used on my road to success - I'd tell you.
And I could be open about it.

But it's not.  And 200 vs 182 vs 156 vs 138 - are all the same to me.
Being a certain number for my own light for what others think I should be has never motivated me.
And while I try to refrain from judging others - I also think people who need to be a certain number to feel good or happy - have bigger issues than weight (was that too harsh?).

I will say this.
While on the show, I weighed in every week.
However, my trainer stepped me on the scale, took a video, sent it to Chris and never shared my numbers.

I never knew if I lost 10 pounds or gained 1.
But, my inner self knew I had eaten well, worked out 4-6 hours a day and followed the plan.
The number didn't matter, as long as I was building my integrity.

Number Two:
I'm working on not judging.
I know, if you read number one, you're thinking, keep trying.

But I admit I'm working on it.
Can we try to keep judgements of others and tools and tip out of the blogosphere?
It's counterproductive.

One thing I will say is I'm EXTREMELY quick to point out what worked for me, worked for ME.
It may not be the path everyone can or wants or needs to take.

Just as I read about people who dropped 100 pounds in three months Zumba-ing or dropped 50 pounds in a year by just walking.

Good for all of you, though, shine your story for others, don't force it.

Someone may read my story and wonder how I did it.
And the truth of the truth is it's MANY working parts WORKING together.

And the way to shining my light, may or may not work for you.
So be gentle with me and others as we figure out what works for us.

Number Three:
Be kind.
It's a golden rule.
It's in the bible.
It's key to shining your light for others.

Don't write things you think might hurt others.

With my students I always say THINK:

Number Four:
Yes, I have a masters in Education.
Yes, I'm working on my PhD.
Yes, I love to work out.

But.

No, I am not a licensed clinician.
No, I am not a social worker.
No, I am not a miracle worker.
No, I am not a therapist.
No, I am not a trainer.
Or dietician.
Or nutritionist.

I am just Jami.
Jamaze.

And for now, that's all I plan to be.
Someday, hopefully, I'll be Dr. Jamaze.
And be teaching at a University somewhere.
But for today, just Jamaze.

And your emails and messages break my heart.
And I want to help everyone.
But the root of the root here is that I can't possibly.
And some of you, my beautiful Matterers, need much more than I know how to give.

And so it is with love, so very much love, that I remind you, that I get to love you.
Through this blog.
Through our Vlogs.
But that I can't possibly answer every question.
Or concern.
Or problem.

It won't stop me from trying.
But just so you know.

And that's the heavy stuff.

Still love me?


Comments

  1. You are amazing and so very proud of you! So did you get your old job back?

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    1. <3. Thanks. I did not go back to work for the Rock School. I am currently working for the Boston Ballet Summer Dance Program. Our program ends in two weeks. Then it's on to rehearsals for Les Miserables and hopefully back to teaching.

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  2. Great posting and I will continue to read how you are. Also hope the ones that really need help find it. Good luck and if you ever get to Texas and want to inspire military kids come on down =)

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  3. Well said...keep on inspiring

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  4. Yes u are such an inspiration to others. GOD BLESS!

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  5. I can tell you have a huge heart, but always remember that you need to come first and you don't have to always say or do things to please others. Love how you did the sit up challenge with us. Thanks for being you!

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  6. Great post. Wise words and great attitude. No one can do it on their own, and we all need help. Help knowing when to say no, and help knowing when to take someones advice. It is great that you have set boundaries early on. This will help with your journey as well as everyone else.

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  7. Absolutely agree with you 100%, just keep being you and being amazing! Thank you for being an inspiration!

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  8. I think it's great that you are setting the boundaries. Everyone needs them, even though people won't admit it. You look amazing! You're right. Numbers do not matter. It's how you feel.

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  9. That was great! And you are definitely right! You keep sharing your journey and that's enough help for others! or at least it should be enough! Your openness and transparency without judgement... Plus how can ONE person alone help everyone else when every individual is so different? right? What works for some doesn't work for others... In my case ... tracking my weight is a necessary evil... because of my thyroid issues... I have to track it just to see if there's any progress at all... doing the right thing... I am doing it... exercising and eating right... and now I am not a prisoner of the scale as I used to be (weighing myself every day, more than once, compulsively) sometimes it's tempting to "go there" but now I know the "numbers" are just numbers... and as long as I keep on doing the "right thing" the results will be there... regardless of the scale... but again... I do have to track those numbers... and that is right for ME... and maybe for others but not for everyone... good job Jami... Your story is incredibly inspiring in and by itself! Whatever you share is great.... we don't need to ask for more... You rock! oh... by the way... I am not being able to log-in with my account but I am "running2bfree" from http://running2bfree.wordpress.com ... Hopefully I can log-in again soon. My best of wishes to you.

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  10. You have no idea the impact you've made on me and my entire family (me, hubby and 4 kiddos all under 10). You are SUCH an inspiration and you're REAL, that's the best part. You don't act like you're better than anybody because you worked with a celebrity trainer. You're a real person who uses "Amazeballs" like me! Which is so awesome BTW. Keep writing, I enjoy reading. You and I have such similar blogging personalities, it's amazing. I still have a short ways to go losing this baby weight, but at 28 years old and the rest of my life ahead of me, and because of people like you, I KNOW I can do it. Thanks for being you Jami.

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  11. Jami you are an amazing, inspiring woman. As I read your posts everyday I set one goal...to stay positive. Sure I get frustrated and have my ups and downs but overall my goal is just to keep my head above water and do the best I can. Thanks to you, and Chris, and Heidi and Ryan I have been able to stay on course. Thanks for everything you have done, that you for being you.

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  12. Jamie dear, I agree with you. And it sometimes is hard for the majority of us not to judge, as others judge us. I too, have thought negatively about my numbers quite often, however, what my numbers show, and how I look and feel, they are 2 separate entities. Back when I weighed 120 lbs I looked like I was 95 lbs. Due to thyroid, back, migraine, and neck issues, my fitness has been greatly impacted. But, I absolutely do NOT give up. The main reason I don't give up on me is because God doesn't give up on me, additional reasons are, I would be failing myself, and I have always instilled to my kids to never give up. My daughter is in a wheelchair. She was born with half a spine. Where her ribs end is where her spine ends. Her legs are fused in an indian-style seated position. No matter how much pain I am in, she has seen me fight through it to do some sort of movement to keep the blood flowing and the muscles working. I know I haven't much core and upper body strength right now, but, it will happen again. And people like you, help to keep me inspired. May God bless you and your family always. ♥

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  13. You are inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing everything and just by being you.

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  14. I loved watching your show and seeing how far you've come - but you are right - this isn't your full time job helping every single person who is struggling with the same thing - there aren't enough hours in the day!

    Keep beeing Jamazing!!!

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  15. Thank you for sharing with us each and every time you post. I love coming back and reading what's going through your mind. You've inspired me more than you know and I want to thank you for that as well. Here's to continuing the journey laid out before us! <3

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  16. That being said, could you write up a diet for me? I'll give you my blood type if you need it. Hahahaha I keeeeed, I keeeeeed! Just keep doing what you're doing, being Jamazing!

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    1. Haha, :) I will be sharing my diet from the year on (or my handy PDF that I used shortly, folks may find it helpful to have a base to use.

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  17. People can be mean from behind a computer. It is also hard to judge tone. Well put. blog on....

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  18. Absolutely still LOVE you!!!!!!!! I love your thoughts! They are so true! God bless ya JAMAZE! Diane

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  19. Jami, you are truly and inspiration and I loved and am motivated by your story. I don't post things like this publicly but I feel the need to tell you how awesome you are. You have inspired me to get off my butt and move. I don't have quite as much to lose as you did at the beginning of your journey but the number doesn't matter. It's the journey and the lesson it will teach. Best of luck to you in all your future endeavors. I know you will continue to be JAMAZING! :)

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  20. You are incredibly inspiring girl and glad to see you Crossfit!!! I love our Crossfit family and the community. Its awesome to see how much your perception of beauty and self worth has changed and how you are encouraging that in others! Crossfit changed the way I saw myself and valued who I am. I love what you are promoting for people and more importantly women! You are awesome!!

    PS. Did you ever get that Crossfit Competition in?!?!?

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    1. Thanks Ashley! I didn't ever really get to do one, nor am I that interested in it either. I herniated two discs in my lower back early on in the first 90 days of the program. It took a lot of rehab to come back from that. And I'm wary of doing it again. That being said, I do crossfit, twice a day, everyday, 6 days a week. I love my family of people at Crossfit, who love me just the way I am. In a banded pull up, and weak core, in a 223 pound dead lift, and nursing a shoulder injury. Love them.

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