Leaving My Job

I did a bad thing last night.

After Mehrbod's episode, I went over to the Extreme Weight Loss Message Boards.
And read.
And read.
All the horrible, nasty, unkind, uninformed things people said.

And I teared up, for sure.
Because after all, I'm an emotional catastrophe.




But.
Then.
Almost as quickly, the light I have begun to shine, burned more solidly and brightly then ever before.
And I was thankful.

Weird, right?
Because these people, these hundreds of people who, "hated me", were "annoyed" by me, "thought I was immature", and "self absorbed", and "the most unlikable character in reality show history" (really, ouch), or my personal favorite, "hated my tacky-ass dress" - actually made my light shine brighter.

I know they didn't mean to.
But my light glowed brightly as I thought about everyone in my REAL life, not my show/produced life, who loves me.

And who probably wouldn't disagree with being immature, right Joli?
Or even being annoyed by me at times, right 5:30 class?
And please, don't get my sister started on my serious styling issues, right Jen?

But who love me.
Just the same.

Unconditionally.
It was such a serene understanding.

Aside from the folks that believed my suicide was for "tv", which I can only look inwards and say to myself, it wasn't.  The other big misconception was my job.

And for the record - here's the REAL deal.
Not that I owe them, or you, or even me, an explanation, but this is the real record.

For posterity's sake.

I gave my job more than two weeks notice.
And it annoyed me that they cut me saying I only gave a days notice, PUHLEASE.
They weren't happy.
But, I had to think about the KIDS first.
And I was.
I had kids that needed far more than I'd be able to provide.
Mentally.
Physically.
Emotionally.
And it wasn't fair or safe for them to have me stay.
I left for them, and carried each of them in my heart.
And there physically was no way for me to work out 4-6 hours a day and work 150 hours a week.
Not healthily possible.

I was fair in the notice I gave and stand firm in that.
Their reaction was fairly accurate, though roughly cut.

We "filmed" my resignation, approximately one month after I'd already left.
I'd already moved out, moved home, moved on.

My kids and I had a beautiful and fun send off party and I am still in contact with all of them to this day.
They know why I left.
And in the end of the end, that's really all that matters to me.

I moved back to MA to live with my Sister, Jen.
We lived in a three bedroom apartment in Chicopee.
She paid my rent.
She was/is amazing.

She was obviously cut completely from the show and I'll never understand why.
She was with me every step of my journey.
And I couldn't have done it with out her.

She more than anyone else LOVED me in ALL my brokeness, that apparently came off whiney, and self absorbed.
If she viewed me that way, she never let on.
She loved me in a way, I'm quite sure no one will ever love me.
And she didn't have to.
We share biological parents.
But grew up states apart, not meeting until our mid-20's.
I'll never quite understand how we fit together so well when we met.
Genetics?
Heartstrings?
But we do.

Now, my apologies, my fellow matterers, for diverting for a moment from the MONTH OF LOVE, and tomorrow, I'm sending more love to Mrs. Jacqui Hart McCoy.

I just needed to speak.
Shine my light of truth a little.
Call me self absorbed, it won't hurt a bit. :)

Also forthcoming - our first workout for the workout tab.  FUN!

YOU, my friends, matter.


Comments

  1. No need to explain a thing.... I thought you did everything right... I am still looking for those threads where you say people hate you ... (by the say, someone has to be really weird to hate a person they don't know anything about, it only makes sense to love your openness, honesty and the help you provide just by being an example of perseverance and determination!!) anyway... Forget the haters... You're doing awesome! Praise God for the people in your life who are there to support you, who know you and love you BECAUSE and IN SPITE of knowing you so well :) Keep on going!

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  2. It's always saddened me how people can be so judgmental of people they don't really know. And how ignorant they can be to the wonders of editing for the sake of drama! Keep on shining!

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  3. You are awesome! You don't have to apologize for being the amazing person that you are. You are such an inspiration and I cried through most of your episode. And you know what? It gave me the push I needed to quit coming up with excuses and to start living! Thank you for being YOU! Sending lots of love and kindness from MD!

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  4. You are Jamazeballs and gave me the inspiration to change my life. I am changing small things each week and making progress. Keep your head high and feel thelove from those of us who feel that what they call selfish decisions are really courageous ones!

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  5. You are amazing and your journey to love the inner you is inspiring! I am so glad you can look above and beyond the nay-sayers and find something positive in it all. Whenever people throw bricks at you, just pick them up and build yourself a mansion!

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  6. Those of us who know you and love you know the truth. The people who are judging you forget that in a short hour and a half they do not know you. Not ALL reality tv is real- Honey Boo Boo has bad days too!

    I liked your dress at the reveal- bonton on sale right?

    Keep doin' you and live the life you deserve!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I too loved my dress, pink heels, and pink necklace. But then again, it's not about the clothes you wear, it's about how you wear them. I never felt so good in anything before!

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  7. Speaking from working with Jami at the ballet school, she gave plenty of notice and it was in fact them who didnt treat her fairly. On the end, she had to so something foe herself so that she could do for others. We all still talk about how much we love and miss her here. We ALL maintained a friendahip with her and thw children were nothing but proud of her.

    You can tell these people writing hate mail to get bavk back in their lane, please for they have no idea jow anything went down .

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    1. TK. I adore you. And there will be some lane dialogue going on :).

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  8. Jami--Your episode was one of my FAVORITE episodes of Extreme Weight Loss yet! My friends and I loved the show and we love you! You are such an inspiration to so many people and don't ever forget that. People that speak hateful words are only covering up their own pain. LOVE YOU!

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  9. I can't believe you willingly read the message boards! That is where all the online trolls of the world go to be negative and miserable with nothing better to do with their time. Remember that negative reviews are always 5x louder than positive reviews. Glad you aren't letting them snuff out your light.

    For the record, my friends said you were their favorite on the show. :)

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  10. No need to explain anything. You have a wonderful light, and anyone that trys to dull your light, just turn the other cheek. Their darkness cannot and will not dull yours.

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  11. Keep that light shining Girl!!! You have inspired more people than you can even imagine!!!!

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  12. You are amazing, I live in Chicopee and I have to get the surgery done, you are so lucky to have had Chris to help you, Kudos for the hard work and keep smiling you are such an inspiration to others.

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  13. Loved you during the episode and still love you now. You're amazing. Keep shining!

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  14. You are absolutely inspiring to all women and men who feel that to matter at all, you have to look a certain way. That is the great lie of society today. Thank you for sharing your story. I loved that you work for fitness and health, not a number!!!! So inspiring and such a great example!! Great work! You matter to Him. Always.

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  15. I loved you on the show. I love your attitude. I think you are an inspiration and from my perspective...as I am a Soldier I would love to say you would have been a great Soldier. You have determination, motivation and the ability to care. Keep on lady!!! Though the dress wasn't my fav...after all you had been through you looked FABULOUS.

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  16. You are a wonderful person.. You are my inspiration for losing weight.. I look up to me YOUR MY HERO JAMI

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