On Being Broken (VLOG)

Saturdays are our VLOG days.
Sundays are Soul Filling.
And Mondays, we're right back at it in writing.
One more week in Boston.
Then home.
To start rehearsals for Les Miserables.


  1. Good VLOG... I agree we are all broken... I agree that it doesn't make any sense to pretend we are not... But I think we shouldn't stay there... There are some people who never speak about it at all and bottle it all up... and THAT hurts them ... BUT there are some others who might just focus on that so much that they can't speak about anything else and that might just hurt them as much... Yes... we should admit our brokenness.. no, we shouldn't try to hide to to impress others... or out of fear of being judged... BUT I do think we should try to seek help, look for healing... and let GOD heal that brokenness and try to get "new wounds" (there will always be some) instead of continue to remove the scab out of the old ones... I don't know if I am making any sense here... I just mean to say... you're right we're broken... you're right we shouldn't live a lie... but... There is always hope, there's always help and there's no need to continue living a broken life... God restores, He heals, He gives peace, joy and an abundant life regardless of the circumstances, regardless of the sadness that we can experience here... When others might turn their back on those that admit their brokenness "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:8 ... That alone... fills with hope... :) Good job in your process... You look beautiful! It's very brave of you to be open and vulnerable... especially when there are so many people who are so broken that they can't even express it anymore... they are so hurt that instead of showing compassion to those that are hurting they show judgement... Thanks for sharing your journey with all of us... :) It is truly motivating.

    1. My pleasure. Fear of judgement is huge. Technically just fear in general. Learning to try to be authentic is a life long process. My faith in God is something that has absolutely helped. I know that plans he has for me, plans to prosper, not for pain.

  2. Jami--First of all, I want to thank you for the beautiful hydration bottles!!! I LOVE them!!!I think of you each day I use them and continue to be inspired each and every day!!! My husband and I are in the middle of the onramp(preclass) for crossfit!!LOVE it but am petrified for starting the actual classes with really fir people--but action conquers fear(CP) and I am going to do it!!! I so relate to everything you say!! There are so many times that I feel broken--I think I was sexually abused as a child(repressed memories) so I struggled with that and have not felt worthy despite 4 great kids-2 biological and 2 beauties from China! I am at a much better place with that now-and my faith is stronger than ever-thanks in part to a wonderful pastor who is a good good friend and several AMAZING woman I met through my second adoption-they are two of the most amazing beautiful Christian woman I know! But like you said, no matter where we are, there are good days and there are bad days. You have helped so much with strength and courage!
    I was so honored to be at your reveal(and so bummed we couldn't make to watch your show with you!)--But your words are powerful and so meaningful!!!!!! Like you said, some days we just feel so broken and question do me really matter? And the answer is always Yes! even when we don't feel it!
    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all you continue to do!!

    I have wanted to tell you--DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF THE HATERS ON ANY OF THE BOARDS!!! You are amazing and are helping more people than you even realize. As far as you post on boundaries, you are so dead on--Above all else, you need to take care of you(SOrry-that's the momma in me!!

    1. My hates make me strong, Debbie. They ask me to look into myself and hold tight to my firm understanding that I can be both broken and strong at the SAME TIME. THRILLED you're trying crossfit, that makes my heart happy. It was my HONOR to have you and some of the family at my reveal. We do ALWAYS matter, we just have to remind ourselves. Adopted kids rule :)

  3. Hi Jami!
    I'm very sorry that I stumbled upon your blog at work.... because I've spent the past hour reading it! :)
    I struggle every day with my own weight and am looking for inspiration to finally get that part of my life sorted out once and for all. I saw your episode and really felt that I could relate. I'm looking forward to keeping up with your blog and using your tips, tricks and positive vibes to succeed in my own journey.
    Please check out my own blog (which I just started- and am totally new at!.

    Thanks for being such an inspiration!

    1. I so sorry too - don't lose the productivity points :) But I'm glad you're here - and you're reading. Can't wait to spend some time over at your blog! Glad you were tuning in and hear something you needed to hear.

  4. Ya, everyone is broken for sure. Having a moment myself. Old habits of turning to food this weekend. It's crazy. Shoving food in my mouth to not feel. I've got to workout like crazy to work this stuff off.
    I guess being at "home" old memories pop up and I'm doing what I did then which is turn to food to numb the memories. IT JUST SUCKS! Old habits don't die hard. :(
    Feeling the old feelings of self hatred, shame and worthless. Praying that they go away soon. Guess it's back to the therapist.
    Thanks for all you're doing. God bless ya. Diane

    1. Oh, Diane, FEELINGS. Trained my entire childhood to put them away, that sharing them made us weak or unhappy. Undoing 28 years of that bottling up, is hard, and will be LIFE LONG work. I'm sending you my mattering vibes and hoping you feel them. THERAPY ROCKS MY SOCKS. So happy you have one!

  5. Absolutely loved this!! What makes you so inspiring is that you are a real person with struggles and you keep going and working on yourself every day. Part of my brokenness is that I have always felt the need to look perfect to the world and, as a result, have always felt not good enough. Constantly comparing myself to other people whose lives in my eyes seem "basically perfect" is a big downfall of mine and it sets me back in more ways than one. In addition I have struggled with depression and emotional issues on and off for years and have just always felt different than what the rest of the world wants me to be. I have always been afraid and ashamed of my mental struggles. Food is also one of my unhealthy ways of coping with all of this. I have tried to get healthier way more times than I can count and never have gone through with it in the long run. Honestly a part of me is a little afraid what emotional issues I might discover if I am no longer covering them with food. I am at a very confusing part of my life right now. I just got out of college and job searching is much more difficult than I anticipated and I am starting to feel like my bachelors degree is worthless. The stress of not knowing what we are going to do or where we are going to live has been putting stress on my relationship with my boyfriend. But despite all of that, I love what you said. Living isn't being perfect, living is taking every day for what it is and experiencing it, truly experiencing it. That is my ultimate goal, to really live life and not worry so much about what I look like to the rest of the world. I will do what is best for me and my loved ones. I know one day I will look back on my life now and see all of the beautiful things in my life. I want to see, acknowledge, be thankful for, and enjoy those beautiful things each and every day. This turned into a bit of a diary entry! Thank you for sharing your brokenness with all of us and helping me feel like I am not alone in my struggles. You really are amazeballs :)

    1. Leah, I am me, and that's all I know how to be. I spent too much of my life trying to be perfect or better or more like...when really I needed to throw my energy into being 100% me and real. That's the message HERE: No one is perfect, some of the most broken people are the ones who have just gotten really good at hiding all their broken bits. And the more open we can be with each other, the stronger we feel. ROCK ON! You're LAMAZEBALLS :)

  6. My Homework:
    My X and I had a baby in March 2010, but we couldnt afford our apartment.
    I moved in with my parents as soon as I came back from the hospital, and he didnt get us a place for 8 months. It was cockroach infested but after complaining for a day about how I didnt want to I decided to move in (he cheated on me that day. I found out later.)
    We stayed together for 10 months after that, and I found a lot of what I call 'emotional cheating' (where he would go online and tell girls that he was raising a baby alone, and refered to me as his daughters mom, not as his fiance.)

    In September of 2011, I moved out and told him we needed a break. I thought the emotional blow would get him to change and value us more. Instead he found a 17-18 year old girlfriend before the beginning of 2012. Pretty sure he mayve already been with her when we were together.

    And in May of 2013, his mom came to pick up my kid and told me that the girlfriend was pregnant and would be having the baby within 24 hours. I went into a state of shock, gained 15 lbs in a week.

    Its not that I still love him, because in fact I hate him. Its just that I imagined he'd be actively visiting my kid before he had another. Instead my kid has seen him 3 times this year, and that new kid gets him every day.. Its not fair to my kid, and when everyone tells me to 'Get over him' it really makes me mad. I am over him, I hate him, but I cant get over someone abandoning my baby.

    I hurt for her, not for myself. People say to get over him, or to quit caring or that my kid will have another better dad some day but you only have 2 birth parents... You cant replace that. I dont want her to grow up wondering why she wasnt good enough for him.

    She matters. But apparently not to him. And its wrong that he's off enjoying a new family while we dont get child support or visits or anything.

    My biggest worry is that my kid will grow up and be broken. Everyone else just says 'She wont care' 'She will get another dad' 'shes not missing out on anything.' But I dont believe them, and thus I am broken.

    ~CB from FB~


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