Sizes Really, Sizes?

Last night, one of my besties was home visiting from Los Angeles.

I had worked all day at my second job as a Nanny.

Especially around the holidays.  Kids.
So much fun.

Anyways, I was still in my gym clothes and really needed to get into my party gear.
But didn't have anything packed.

I ran to Marshalls.
I found these puppies.

And fell in LOVE!
Yay, I know, TDF.

So then.
I just needed a dress.

Since I've been out of my crossfit.
(See rotator cuff surgery story coming in January) :)

It's been about 3 months.
Of mind games.
I must just be packing on the pounds.
Less moving.
Still eating.
I must easily be a size 16.

I picked up a 12 and a 10.
In several dresses.
And a large in teens.

I haven't been on a scale since May.
So I can't tell you how many pounds.
And I won't ever have to.
On tags and scales are just really unhealthy for me.
In the dressing room.
I put on the 12s.
And stared at my reflection.
My tired looking reflection.
And heaved a sigh of relief.
TOO big.

So I put on the 10s.
And stared again.
I walked out of the dressing room for these.
And the sweet older attendant smiled.
"Oh girl, too big, sweetie, too big."

Okay, I thought.
What's going on?
And I half expected someone to pop out of the dressing room with a camera.
And tell me they whited about the 2 in the 20 and the 22.
And so I went back to the drawing board.

I picked up a size 6 pair of leather,  real leather, pants.
And a large sweater from teens.

And an outfit was made.
That matched those shoes perfectly.

And a little magic in my mind.
A reminder that.
When I get lost in the loving of myself.
I can maintain.
And maintain.
And still wake up loving myself.
I joined a gym close to school.
And am headed back to the pool, so working out, will pick up again.

But this whole.
Love myself.
How I am.
Where I am thing.
Pretty perfect :)

Merry Christmas - er - Happy Holidays!

It's time.
Chantell Johnson and I recorded this song to send to our Extreme Weight Loss Family last year.
And I capital P promised her, I wouldn't upload it, until Christmas.
The world.
Needs to hear this chicks voice.
It's amazeballs.

I'm sure Jacqui was in her room.
Meredith was in hers.
Trina will tell you all about the sound reverberating in the house.
It really was a special Christmas last year.
I'm glad to be home this year.

Celebrating with the We Are the Children charity on Christmas Day.
And directing sleigh (bus) traffic as hundreds of children in the Greater Hartford Area receive the day of a lifetime.

But being with the gals from Extreme.
Is a close second.
This year, I plan to read from the devotional Trina gave me.
Take two looks at the plaque Chantell MADE me.
Light the candles Jacqui gave me.
And listen to this number.

Tomorrow night, the cast and I were playing house elves at the Powell's House.
Wrapping presents.
And feeling love! :)

The Christmas Song

Remembering Chile

These are my confessions.
Not today ;)

We'll talk more outpatient ED shtuff.
Or later.
We will.
Therapy Thursdays, and all.

One year ago.
I was swimming at the San Alfonso Del Mar.
In Algorrobo.
1.2 Miles.
The grabbing a kayak on the beach.
And carrying it 1.2 Miles.
And then kayaking 1.2 Miles.
And then running 1.2 Miles.  In under two hours.
With my favorite peeps in the entire boat.
And Rob.
Camera A.
Almost sunk the pontoon boat.
And broke the chair in my little apartment.
And we all had dinner.
But I was afraid to eat.
And Joli reassured me from 100 miles away, that I could.
We all had an amazing amazing time.
Challenge and all.

To Assmus, Speegs, Kemp and Holm.
To Jordan, who I'm pretty sure slept through most of it.
And my amazing translator.
And everyone who made Chile happen.
Even CP.
Who got bit by a dog in Peru.
Thereby ensuring, I'd challenge on alone :)

Unbelievably humbled still.
By your kindness.
And the experience as a whole.

Confessions Part 3


Part One
Part Two

I am pretty transparent.

I am.

Confessions Part 2


Need to catch up?  Part One Here :)
I sat.
As I often do, on Thursday evenings.
In Dr. Jill’s office.