PRISM Awards

Ready for some, "I'm not sure I'm allowed to blog about this…
but I'm blogging about this." Information? :)

I should probably have run this by production.

They're wicked busy, right?
And this has been sitting here in the blog post que for awhile now, and the awards are Thursday night.

Today felt as good as any:

How exciting is this?

Now before we get all excited about the nomination (as many of my friends did) - it's not a nomination for me. Haha. :)

Rather, a nomination to Powell Pack and the amazingly awesome production team at 3Ball who put the episode together.

To my field production team and Matt Assmus who spent a long time editing "Jamazeballs." :)

What makes me so thankful for this nomination is hard to articulate, but I will try.

First, a little background on the PRISM Awards:
"PRISM Awards recognize writers, producers, actors and actresses for their authentic storytelling of mental illness and substance use issues. Their stories inform us, move us, and serve as catalysts for breaking down barriers, stigma and discrimination. Substance use and mental illness not only affect the person involved but also others around them, and we are proud to honor those who bring the power and influence of entertainment in media to exemplify art of making a difference through accurate communication of these issues. "

Basically, if I, as an Unscripted kid, had one goal for my episode, that was ENTIRELY out of my control - it would have been to make a difference.


I wanted to lose weight.
Learn to love myself.
And make a difference.
I said it at finale.
I wanted the pain of hating myself.
Of suicidal intonations.
To not just be the pain of my story.

But perhaps, the catalyst for change in someone else's.
After all, without that piece, I'm just a fat lady in her underwear.
And a less fat lady in a bikini.

After my episode aired in July of 2013,
I was stunned and inundated by heartfelt messages;
from all of you.

Telling me.
You got it.
That message.
You knew.
Some of you still know.
Sometimes, I do.
That feeling of nothingness.
And no goodness.
And that self hatred.
That left me in the Four Seasons bathroom.
With a bottle of pills.
And no hope.

It fills my heart to know that in an industry pushed by someone's version of perfection.
That being, Heidi Powell's words here, Perfectly Imperfect ;)
Can make for good, watchable television.

Just recently my episode has hit the airwaves in Italy and other parts of Europe.
I've enjoyed another round of, "I know that dark place."

And, "Thank you to you and Chris Powell for finding your light."

Amen to that.

But there is another piece of this.
It's the piece that is production.
I never stopped understanding that we were making a television show.
Never once.
Most notably when the "unscripted script" called for an uncalled for called for "intervention".
It felt…fake.
And mostly,
not helpful.

If you're wondering where that part was in my episode, it doesn't exist.
Because it doesn't have to.
It didn't.

3Ball put together a much stronger, more real story of me wanting to kill myself.
Which was real.
And did require a real intervention (LOTS of therapy.)
Like LOTS and LOTS.

Not to mention the aspect of meeting my biological mom.
And sister.
Which are really real moments.
And some of the best memories I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.
Changed.  MY.  Life.

And if my Mental Health story line means more to me than just getting my life back, I know it has also reminded my production team that sometimes, GOOD TV and changing people's lives for the better, do actually fall hand in hand.

I remember sitting with my favorite Soundie Guy (that's a technical name for Jordan, right?) after Mike, "The Superhero" Epstein's finale, and we chatted for a while, while he waited for the crew.

About nothing really.
But I can still remember sitting there, in that Four Seasons…thinking…I'm glad I get to do this.
And to Soundie Guy.
It just wasn't that deep.
He was waiting to go to Geno's.

Oh Jordan.
But to me.
To be living.
With this amazing production team.
Who, over the course of a year, becomes your distantly related family.
That drives you nuts and whom you love at the same time…family.

I'm so grateful that the PRISM awards selected their episode of my year.
And whether or not they win, I'm grateful that my episode can be viewed as an Authentic and Inspirational piece of media.

Huzzah to this team too:).
Not pictured:
Matt (Executive Producer)
Lauren and Jason (Field Producers)
(To Lauren's cred - she was taking the picture)


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